13 Snarky News Headlines About Women, Improved
These are brilliantly done. They were contributed by followers of The Vagenda Magazine, which has the hilarious motto "Like King Lear, But For Girls." The fourth one down is my favorite:
4. Wait, women have skin?
I'm not sure I have ever owned a bikini. If I did, I was a child and I don't remember it. I do remember feeling, around age twelve, that I was "too big" for a bikini. That my body was in some way inadequate--like there were rules for bikini-wearing, and I wasn't able to follow them. I mean, that's insane, right? Too big for anything at twelve years old?
Most women stop wearing bikinis once they have a baby, I guess because they believe their bodies have been "ruined" by children. Every advertisement on Facebook wants me to "fix my post-baby body." Fix what? My pregnancy was miserable but healthy, and my natural delivery went great. I can still breathe, walk, sleep, eat.
Crohn's Disease may slowly eat holes through my intestines, and plantar fasciitis might cause me pain. I might keep getting migraines and ovarian cysts. But none of that was caused by my baby. I didn't need a c-section or an episiotomy. My pregnancy didn't break a goddamn thing. I'm lucky.
Oh, right. They meant my stretch marks. And increased waistline.
I'm buying a bikini. I'm not going to believe my body is "broken" a year after I completed the most incredible, badass job of my life. I'm going to go to the pool. I'm going to choose how and what I display, and I'm not going to apologize. My daughter scratches me sometimes, and sometimes I get pimples on my shoulders. I still have excess skin on my tummy. I'm going to wear a bikini because I want to let my stretch marks show. They aren't something I want to be ashamed of.
Are bikinis revolutionary? I don't know. Maybe.
Does this look revolutionary to you?
Rachele of Fat Babe Designs introduced me to the "fatkini" movement.
It is awesome.
I didn't wear a bikini when my body was young and lithe. Now that I'm older and scarred, I'm not the "target demographic." Seeing me in a bikini probably won't up the market value. And I don't care. I have skin on my stomach that has never, not ever, seen the sun because I thought there was too much of it. How stupid is that?
Bikini Revolution, my friends. Raise the flag.